~~The Pain of Loss~~

Everywhere I could see, there was absolute darkness. I walked aimlessly forward with nothing in mind, as if I were hypnotized. Then suddenly, I saw a bright light and I ran towards it. When I reached it, I saw it was a dark alley between two buildings.

One building was a restaurant for some Chinese food and one building was the office for some courier company. In between them both I saw him. A man was standing in front of my brother with blood on his hand, and there was a knife in my brother's gut. I screamed in horror.

The man who had supposedly stabbed my brother, on seeing me quickly ran away. My first thought was to follow him. But I was frozen to that position, wanting to but not able to move my hands, legs or any other body part. Then, my brother fell to the ground and I finally felt life in my hands and legs. I rushed towards him, sat down and lay his head in my lap. He sobbed while I tried to comfort him, but I kept my eyes away from the wound. I could not bear to see my brother in such a situation. But, knowing that it could become septic, I carefully removed the knife. My brother begged me not to remove it as it was too painful. He even screamed. But I had to remove it. Some place in my gut kept saying that to me. I carefully wrapped the wound using my coat and then I carefully picked up my brother after standing myself, and then supporting his weight turned towards the entry of the alley but now instead of seeing an expanse of darkness, I saw a car and my hand, as if out of nature, went towards my right pocket where there was a car key. I took the key out and with trembling hands clicked on the unlock button. A quick beep informed me that the car was now unlocked and I took my brother to the back seats and lay him on the seats. Then I quickly went to the driver seat and started driving, shouting words of encouragement to my brother to get him through this.

On reaching the nearest hospital I quickly took him to the emergency room where the doctor took him inside the operation theatre to sew up his wound while I was asked to sit outside the room. I was not ready to do that. I fought against them and they held me back. I even punched a man. Soon, tired from pushing I sank to the floor and started sobbing. The reality of the incident seemed to be just sinking in. I prayed to God with all my might to save my brother. Ten minutes passed, then fifteen, then twenty. But time had seemed to slow down for me. It seemed as if each minute was as long as an hour. Soon, the doctor came out of the theatre and informed me with a grim face that my brother was dead due to blood loss and he was sorry.

It was at that moment that I cried “Liar!” and rushed into the operation theatre where the lifeless form of my brother lay. I sat next to him. I took his hand. It was cold as thought he had just emerged from ice. His face was pale white. His eyes lifeless. His face etched with his past screams. I screamed at him, punched him, even begged him to tease me one more time. Just one more time. But there was no reply. Then suddenly everything started to revolve around me and the scene changed to another dark one, in this one, my brother stood in front of me.

I cried out in relief and went to hug him. He pushed me away before I got the chance. Then I noticed his gut had a knife in it. I cried out and reached to pull it out and when I did, there was blood on my hands. That’s when my brother decided to speak.

“You killed me” he said.

“No, No, No, Olive, I was trying to help you. You are here. You are fine. Don’t worry. I am here” I replied.

“And you being here makes me feel the most unsafe.”

That hit me like a stone right on my heart. For a second, my heart stopped. Its heat faded away. Then as if a painful reminder that I still had to suffer it started again keeping me alive.

“No Olive, please, I was trying my best to help.”

“You pulled out the knife. My blood is on your hands. The blood loss occured because the wound opened when you took out the knife. My blood is on your hands.”

I looked at my hands and saw his blood. I stumbled backwards.

“Please Olive, come with me, please. I was only trying to help.”

“And look where that got me”

“I am sorry Olive, I did not want the wound to get septic, please come with me.”

“You couldn’t even simply catch the goon who did this. I am dead and he roams free. Actually wait. The goon did not do this. You did.”

That’s when I fell down and woke up. I found my self on the ground near my bed. I was confused what had happened. Then suddenly remembering the dream, I laughed, relieved it was only a dream and rushed into my brother’s room to hug him. When I entered his room, he wasn’t there. Everything was clean and organized. My brother was not like that. I roamed through the house calling his name when suddenly it hit me. The memory. My brother had died two weeks ago because some goon stabbed him and ran off when we were returning from dinner. The pain hit me as if he had just died. These visions had been there ever since that day he died. I collapsed on the floor and started sobbing. A few minutes later knowing it was time to go for work, I got up and started getting ready. I remembered how my brother used to tease me about wearing a suit and everything for work while all he had to do for his was wear a jacket and a pair of jeans. But he was gone. Gone. Forever. Leaving me on this place called Earth. Earth did I say? I meant hell. Without him, I am living in hell.